One mother complains, “Can’t I think of peace! Witnessing brawls and disagreements has become my main activity in the home. More than a mother I feel I work more like a referee trying to mediate truce among the two kids” With all the effort to help them out, I get accused of being not fair, by favoring the younger sibling. How could I help myself to see that the two siblings get along well and bring about sanity at home and calmness to my mind?
Bringing-up two kids caring them under the same roof and calling them to be cooperative, approve each other, seeing them as equals: to a parent, it sounds like an impossible feat. But any attempt to do something to induce harmony among the two kids would be an unrealistic expectation that may see any parent drained and defeated. It would be a foregone conclusion that between two kids a few conflicts, mix-ups are typically unavoidable.
Under these hard put conditions, the parent’s competency lies in realizing that kids need not like each other or it’s no point to insist on them getting along well every minute of the day. The closer the kids in age, the more frequency are the differences and conflicts that crop up. The main concern of the parents must be to see that the kids learn the importance of respecting the feelings of each other and learn to become considerate of each one’s needs.
HOW TO REDUCE THE SIBLING COMPETITION:
Don’t label them. Avoid labeling one kid as ‘dumb,’ ‘stupid,’ ‘dull’ and another with an appreciative, ‘smart,’ ‘hard worker.’ Unknowingly, we parents create an open competition among sibs, thus instilling in them a sense of hatred over the one who is favored much. These labeling can be self-fulfilling, and kids may believe them and tend to remain with them through adulthood.
Encourage teamwork: Parents have to avoid the self-esteem damaging, and rivalry encouraging contests among kids. Help them understand the importance of being cooperative and interdependency. Making them aware of the fact: there are no winners or losers, but to consider family as one happy unit.
Recognize and encourage their special strengths and gifts. Each kid is special; having his way of demonstrating his identity while showing his eagerness to reveal his competency may also feel an urge to prove his advantage over the other sibling. To avoid this delicate situation a parent has to acknowledge each child’s special talent that sets him apart from other siblings. For example, if one kid is good at art to appreciate the interest we provide him with material and encouragement to take art classes. The feat of the parents lies in identifying and encouraging each kid’s natural talent and see that the siblings don’t fight for recognition that they expect from the parents.
Encourage cooperation: As parents, when you notice your kids work cooperatively sharing their duties and display a sense of understanding and it’s about time let them know that you are proud of their behavior. If the kids realize that we appreciate their behavior, it binds them to repeat the same.