SEVEN PARENTING RULES-26
MINIMUM CRITICISM AND MAXIMUM SUPPORT
Twelve-year-old Rahul showed a two-page essay to his father. “Dad I’m presenting this in the class today” beaming and confident he pushed the papers before him. His dad reluctantly turned his head from his newspaper, “What’s this handwriting, can you recognize any word what you have written. See the sentences; I see many spelling mistakes. You don’t have a chance that anyone would hear you”.
Rahul lost interest to check his essay for mistakes and enthusiasm to participate in the competition. He cursed his father’s judgment and mourned helplessly.
If we find parents, who are casual and discount their children active interests. Who never learn the right methods of how to encourage their learning attempts? Such parents’ distinct disregard may prove detrimental to the growth of healthy self-esteem in children.
Here in the above incident, the father thoughtlessly converted Rahul’s energies from positive to negative. Now he is thoroughly discouraged. He would never attempt to write, fearing he may commit more mistakes. And he would never approach his father for an opinion. We see the disastrous outcome of parents’ overemphasis on more negative sides of their children’s efforts – the children invisibly crushed – mentally.
“When we pay constant attention to their mistakes, we tend to discourage our children. Let’s remember that the foundation on which children robustly grow is on their strengths. Not on their weaknesses”. Negative remarks drain their fund of energies. And introduce a ‘fear factor’ within them of their abilities to perform well.
The common practice among parents is that they disturbingly hover over their children all the time. They are seen waiting if they are engaging in any faulty moves. Once they detect them, they jump into an elaborate preaching and training sessions. Go ahead and coach them at once out of their faults and into ‘acceptable safe manners.’
Parents’ misgivings perhaps based upon one invariably held assumption. “A natural fear that children move with a wrong peer group pick up wrong habits, or bad attitudes. They may be misled, or attempt the wrong things. I need to watch them constantly. And be cautious to see that they don’t stray the wrong way.”
In most instances the ways parents’ overzealously protect their children make one fact evident. “Parents lack faith in their children.” They assume children are capable of only one thing. “They always make mistakes.” This attitude among parents may turn out to be, in the long run, discouraging and humiliating to the children. Not allowing them to cultivate enough initiative to be imaginative.
Too much talk of “what you have done is not correct” strains too much of the inherent thinking skills of any child. It doesn’t give them enough energy to move forward or try anything new.
Many times we see the parents, bothering, behind their children to manipulate their attempts. And provide them discourses on how badly their efforts are. The resultant scenario would be that children are under constant pressure of fear. He may lose his ability; as a result, turn pessimistic to attempt anything willingly.
It is noted. However, the insistence always to do right and prove perfectness would never yield favorable results for parents. But, contrarily, the possibility is very high for the children, not presenting any improvement. They may end up, sooner or later living in despair.
If parents’ could take enough care of the children. And see that they learn from their mistakes. Seen that they can teach precisely how to learn and function and grow through their mistakes. There is a prospect that the child can progress with a sense of courage in his various academic and social activities. He may also focus more on positive outcomes of his struggles. Correctly, this is the right attitude a child should take into for his progress forward and move with courage.