SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 20
PARENTS STEP OUT. LET CHILDREN DO WHAT THEY ARE CAPABLE OF.
“I swear I’ll do whatever possible to my children”. They needn’t suffer as much I had suffered when I was of their age. They are everything that I have got”.
Of course, this is the sentiment repeated by nine out of ten parent groups. The convincing argument supporting their undivided attention would be like this. “We love our children very much; we do everything to show to our children how much we love them”?
If we observe closely our children, from early infancy, they would attempt to do things for themselves. Like to hold a cup to sip for themselves. Whenever the infant attempts to reach for food in the plate he wants to feed for himself.
On such instances, as parents, our swift response would be to gently say no to his attempts. We remove the plate or the glass from him. We justify our actions in discouraging the children saying that they mess up everything. We behave hysterically as if a mini-disaster is going to ensue. One huge mistake a way a parents acts. If the little one shows his eagerness to test his abilities.
Let me make one truth clear to all parents. To bear in mind when they notice their siblings presenting the flair to be on their own. “It is very easy to clear the mess they create around; it is simple to clean the strained walls and floors. But it is not easy to restore his lost spirit or the damage it causes to his self-concept”.
Whenever a child demonstrates a desire to do things for himself. We as parents have to seize that opportunity. Go ahead and let him do whatever way he is capable of helping himself. In the process, he may also help his family members. As parents, we have added to his efforts: help, supervision, encouragement, and training. For the eagerness, he is expressing to confirm himself as the part of the family.
This is the logic behind the parents’ first impulse. To jump in to help the little ones when we see the child attempt to do something or having trouble trying anything. As parents, we always approach our children with an unconscious ego. That we are bigger than he: more knowledgeable, better experienced, more capable, more fit to help.
Indirectly, we demonstrate to our children how superior we are. And try to prove how imperfect they are. And later, when they grow up we keep wondering how dependent he is. How deficient he became as a person?
I advise all the parents to remember one principle while nurturing their children and as they are growing up. Don’t do anything for a child what he can do for himself. The important parenting function is providing him lot of encouragement. Whenever he tries to explore his own strengths. And get a sense of security as an individual.
As parents, we do an enormous disservice to their self-worth. And damage to their courage of self if we show complete lack of faith in his ability, courage, and self-concept. In the process of developing his own image of self-sufficiency. We as parents have to give him a chance to realize his own capacity. And try to be independent and solve his problems. Never should we show our superiority as an alternative to his supposed helplessness. In many tasks, he desires to do on his own.
Our aim must me in encouraging and assisting our children. In being independent and creating opportunities in which they can do as much as they can. We have to help our children grow independently. And when they emerge as grown-ups they must be able to solve their own problems. Parents have to step back and watch their children grow. And refuse to do what they can do for themselves. The fundamental parenting essence is to give them our understanding, our support, our encouragement and our guidance.