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I swear I’ll do whatever possible to my children. They needn’t suffer as much I had suffered when I was of their age. They are everything I have got”.

It is the sentiment repeated by nine out of ten parent groups. The convincing argument supporting their undivided attention would be like this. “We love our children very much; we do everything to show to our children how much we love them”?

If we observe the children closely, from early infancy, they will attempt to do things for themselves, like to hold a cup and take a sip from it. In many ways, daily at home, he attempts to demonstrate, ‘Leave me alone, I can’t do it’ attitude.

On such instances, as parents, our swift response would be to discourage his attempts gently. We try to remove the plate or the glass from him.  We justify our actions in discouraging the children saying they mess up everything. We behave hysterically as if a mini-disaster will ensue. 

It’s a huge mistake the way a parent reacts when the little one shows his eagerness to try his abilities.

 “It is easy to clear the mess a child creates around; it is simple to clean the strained walls and floors. But it is difficult to restore the child’s lost spirit or the damage it causes to his self-concept”. If you notice the children are presenting their tiny creative skills, enjoy them. This is the one truth all parents have to remember so long a child runs about at home.

Check this: whenever a child demonstrates a desire to do things for himself, it’s an opportunity for parents to encourage him as he pleases. Go ahead and let him do whatever way he can help himself. In the process, he may also help his family members. As parents, we have to assist his efforts: help, supervision, encouragement, and training. From his eagerness, he is expressing to show himself as part of the family.

There is the logic behind the parents’ hastiness to discourage their activities. We find when we see a child attempts to do something or having trouble trying anything as parents, we get to jump into their rescue.  It’s an approach by parents done with an unconscious ego that the children are old enough at that point. The assumption goes that parents are bigger than he: more knowledgeable, better experienced, more capable, more fit to help.

Indirectly, we demonstrate to our children how superior we are. And try to prove how imperfect they are. And later, when they grow up, we keep wondering how dependent he is. How deficient he became as a person?

I advise all the parents to remember one principle while nurturing their children when they are growing up. Do nothing for a child what he can do for himself. The important parenting function is providing him a lot of encouragement whenever he tries to explore his strengths. 

As parents, we do an enormous disservice to a child’s self-worth. And damage to their courage of self if we show a complete lack of faith in his ability, courage, and self-concept. We, as parents, have to give him a chance to realize his capacity. And try to be independent and solve his problems. Never should we show our superiority as an alternative to his supposed helplessness. 

Our aim must involve in encouraging and assisting our children. In being independent and creating opportunities in which they can do as much as they can. We have to help our children grow independently. And when they emerge as grown-ups, they must be able to solve their problems. Parents have to step back and watch their children grow. And refuse to do what they can do for themselves. The fundamental parenting essence is to give them our understanding, our support, our encouragement, and our guidance.

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