SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 13

SIBLING RIVALRY

One mother complains, “Can’t I have peace, witnessing brawls and disagreements has become my main activity in the home. More than a mother I feel I work more like a referee trying to mediate a truce among my two kids” With all the effort to try to help them out, I’m accused of being not fair, by favoring the younger sibling. How can I help myself to see that the two siblings get along well and bring about sanity at home and calmness to my mind?

Looking after two kids living under the same roof calling them to be cooperative, approve each other, seeing them as equals: to a parent it sounds like an impossible feat. Yet, to attempt to do something to induce harmony among the two kids would be an unrealistic expectation that may likely to leave any parent drained and defeated. It is to be gathered that when two kids are there a few conflicts, mix-ups are typically unavoidable.

Under these hard put conditions, the parent’s competency lies in realizing that kids need not like each other or restrain from getting along every minute of the day. The closer the kids in age, the more frequency are the differences and conflicts that crop up. The main concern of the parents must be to see that the kids learn the importance of respecting the feelings of each other and learn to become considerate of each one’s needs.

HOW TO REDUCE THE SIBLING COMPETITION:

Don’t label them. Avoid labeling one kid as ‘dumb’, ‘stupid’, ‘dull’ and another with an appreciative, ‘smart’, ‘hard worker’. Unknowingly, we parents create an open competition among sibs, thus instilling in them a sense of hatred over the one who is favored much. These labeling can be self-fulfilling and kids may choose to believe them and tend to remain with them through adulthood.

Encourage teamwork. Parents have to avoid this self-esteem damaging, and rivalry encouraging contests among kids. Help them to understand the importance of being cooperative and interdependency. There are no winners or losers but family is to be considered as one happy unit.

Recognise and encourage their special strengths and gifts. Each kid is special having his own way of demonstrating his identity while showing his eagerness to reveal his competency may also feel an urge to prove his advantage over the other sibling. To avoid this delicate situation parent have to acknowledge each child’s special talent that sets him apart from other siblings. For example, if one kid is good at art to see that he is provided with material and encouragement to take art classes. The feat of the parents lies in to identify and encourage each kid’s natural talent and see that the siblings don’t fight for recognition that they expect from the parents.

Encourage cooperation. As parents when you notice your kids working cooperatively sharing their duties and displaying a sense of understanding among themselves let them know that you are proud of their behavior. If the kids realize that their behavior is appreciated they are bound to repeat the same.

SEVEN PARENTING RULES-12

IMPORTANCE OF HANDWRITING

1. Good handwriting is a habit for which seeds of its intentions are to be sown as early as when a child attempts to hold a pencil. Good Handwriting and its practice, implementation in the classrooms are gradually losing its academic importance and later in life its emotional and intellectual benefits.

2. Copywriting books recommended according to grades is today no longer a practice followed by school administrators. Jotting down in the notebooks with facts and information, taking the dictated notes allotted by the teachers are disappearing as significant learning tools from the classrooms and teachers today are no longer given any refresher training to upgrade their own understanding of the writing skills and thus taking an informed position to give prompt guidance and feedback to the children – related to handwriting culture.

3. Writing by hand has a beneficial correlation to the healthiness of the brain functioning. Writing by hand engages both body and mind and thus make writing a disciplined worthy activity. A practical disciplined focus on maintaining a neat well-formed handwriting helps align the mind and body that allows multiple advantages to the child both in academic performance and self-controlled personality. Parents have to know the clear advantages of better handwriting skills.

4. Bad handwriting is linked to low confidence levels, less academic focus and lack of interest in accomplishing anything well. Children with poor handwriting will find hard to proofread their own written notes. And during the examinations, this situation causes to score poorly in examinations. Good handwriting leads to better grades. It is a standard tendency for the examiners to form an initial impression by examining the handwriting first and content next.

5. In classrooms handwriting is crucial for writing notes; note taking important aspects clarified by the class teachers. Taking notes by hand in a legible, well-formed handwriting improves attention, comprehension, and grades.

6. A good handwriting skill helps the students in their job opportunities. Good writing skill speaks about the personality of an individual and makes it more noticeable to a prospective employer. It assures the employer indirectly to decipher the personality traits by one look at a handwritten resume. Parents if you wish your child to succeed keep a tag on how he is maintaining his handwriting well into his adulthood.

7. Good handwriting is one skill that assures you achievement at wherever you work and also discipline and self-assurance in life.

SEVEN PARENTING RULES -11

HOW TO GUIDE THE CHILD WHEN THEY FACE A PROBLEM

  1. As parents with a mind to care for our child’s health or physical and mental well-being we expect our children to be totally under our control and to do exactly what we instruct them to do. As parents, we want to present ourselves an ‘I know all’ status and seemingly powerful and appear strong in the eyes of our children. As parents what we must understand is we must not provide assistance or service to our children that they can manage on their own.
  2. So long as we as parents provide protective initiatives whenever we find them in mild distress we are attempting a discouraging push denying the child the right to learn on his own and develop his own coping methods when faced with an unavoidable challenge. As parents, we can never think of standing behind our children and controlling their lives throughout. And we have our bothering problems we are overwhelmed with.
  3. Parents should not fall into this trap of always ‘at a rescue mode’ to our children. We have to provide useful guidance in the manner, that we have to instruct, teach, speak, and show them the ways and methods by which they can cope with their daily problems. Children have very active brains and a built-in coping mechanism. As parents, we have to train them to use them. This creates trust and confidence in their individual abilities.
  4. Children in their lives will have to face many challenges and once they enter the adolescence it would be a discouraging aspect to them to always depend on the parents and this may also frustratingly lead to some undesirable consequences. Therefore, we as parents need to train our children, from an early age the courage and strength to face the life’s adventures.
  5. It should be known that at later stages children have to learn to deal with their problems in their smart ways and means. It is advisable for parents to assume a casual attitude in the early stages so that it will help the child to develop a healthy attitude of his own. To encourage developing this sense of personal belief in his own abilities, the child needs help and inspiration. The best encouragement is to assure him and let him know that he has parents support and he is given a chance to deal with it on his own.
  6. We as parents have to move away from our false impression that it is our responsibility to provide all the help and assistance in solving all his problems. It’s like showing our children that we are strong and you are weak. This is not our motive with which we want to raise our children in future. By observing them and questioning for ourselves, ‘what can I do to guide him’ is a practical method to demonstrate the trust and confidence in their abilities. We have to watch them as responsible parents but step back and allow them to enjoy the good and bad of his own experiences and derive his strength and optimism from them.

SEVEN PARENTING RULES-10

THE CHARACTER OF A GOOD SCHOOL

1.The Schools need to be homes for happiness and a healthy launch pad for learning. A guiding place where, children can sustain their inquisitiveness; and enrich themselves to enter the spirited world with a versatile mindset.

2.Children are natural learners. Schools along with their devoted teachers should everyday fire their imagination with expressive teaching and create inspiring learning situations. An amicable school environment must provide all new experiences allowing them to explore their inherent talents and tap their curiosity.

3.The evolving of a good school involves consensus among three inclusive participants. The classroom: secure, safe and salubrious. The teacher: friendly, forgiving, approachable and above all an intense learner. The parent: cooperative, fair-minded towards the child and the teacher; willing to make adjustments in line with the nature and needs of the child. The child can reap the best blessings and stay emotionally strong within the confluence of these three powerful parties.

4.If the schools are to be places of good learning but not a stagnant pool of out-dated systems the interdependency of the three participants, the classroom, the teacher, and the parents play an enormous influence act in the learning process for the children. If any effort were to make to improve the school systems and suggest friendly learning practices in the classrooms the schools need to coach, train, and guide at all three levels – equally and periodically.  The progress and development of a child are possible only when the school invites and involves the continual improvement of the teachers and regular enrichment and guidance to parents.

5.Schools have to recognize that the parents are highly committed partners in educating their children. Schools have to remember that if a lively child has to sit the classroom with a healthy acceptance: It has to be a consequential result of encouraging better parenting habits among the parent community. A much-needed responsibility of a school administration.

6.Two other adults whom the schools have to nurture and promote are the principal and the teachers who wield major influence on the children during their stay in the school. It is chiefly the principal’s efficiency that has to measure in bringing together the three champions – the children, the teachers and the parents to one coherent awareness outlook. So that the child is always at an advantageous end. And there is more likelihood that the schools would survive as prominent centers of learning in a society.

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 9

CHILDREN AND LYING

  1. Parents understand intuitively, other adults including, that truth-telling is the key to building and nurturing a trusting relationship. We also learn that without it, we quickly lose trust. The habit of lying puts up hurdles to believe one another and difficult to rely upon. The tendency to lie, as a habitual act, gets in the way of closeness, intimacy, and connection.
  2. Children tend to lie for a number of reasons, but parents’ need to be cautious not to let the children resort to lying as a solution to his problems or an easy way to escape.
  3. It is an obvious fact that the parents know that nearly all children – from tots to teens resort to lying for all sorts of reasons: to avoid punishment, to make themselves feel better, to get out of a troubled situation, to keep their friend out of trouble, and chiefly, out of fear. Lying comes to them as an inbuilt armory to protect them and their friends from hordes of checking situations they come across every day – from teachers and parents.
  4. Majority of children tend to lie to their parents but a few are open enough, to be honest with their parents. Here, I believe, children enjoy good vibes with their parents. We need to learn that too much permissiveness; or a harsh and stiff authoritarian attitude may not encourage the children to be more open with their parents. And willing to confess their fears and confidences.
  5. A half-way solution may be like treating them more with consistency in dealing with lying issues, explaining with a reason the importance of honesty, and ensuring the child feels comfortable in our presence to open up as frequently as they can, without fearing any reprisals from the parents. This is the authoritative way available to parents.
  6. If parents find the children fibbing, the way out is: do not overreact, do not fantasize a horrible forecast for the child. Stay calm, overreacting may scare the child away and he may probably, would never approach you again to tell you the truth. The very reason a child tends to lie is out of fear of parents and expecting a harsh treatment and humiliation. Children are more likely, to be honest in their acts only when they are certain that the parent doesn’t lose their temper.
  7. Many children learn their best habits by imitating their parents. The urgency is that the parents have to model honesty. We have to be cautious in our actions and words because our children are watching us and they are good copycats. They copy more of parents’ daily actions and habits than what they repeatedly asked to do.
  8. Parents have to; at home create an honest mantra. Children learn many habits mostly by observation and repetition. Good habits have to be taught to the children until they are internalized and they learn to appreciate the honesty and truthfulness in his deeds and as well as in his parents. And parents have to recognize and reinforce their honest efforts in the chores they participate.

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 8

CHILD AND HOME

  1. The central goal line to good upbringing a child’s life is making them hold their head high in confidence and respecting his personal worth and feelings. But never to encourage to feed his ego and entitlement. Enshrining these practices at the home is the parent’s concern.
  2. Parents must understand the importance of the creation of healthy consensus background at home. This is achieved by mutual respect among family members. We must learn to show respect to the sensitivities, needs, and rights of our children. They have to be respected for the roles their play in the house, and their limited abilities when they are growing up. Parents should be sensitive enough by not expecting too little or too much from their children. It is important to note that children are not be used for the display of our prestige.
  3. Unfortunately, the society we live in glamorizes many qualities that are inherently unattainable by our children. The reasons could be many and most of the times beyond the reach of the children. And parents blindly shouldn’t insist and influence the children to conform to the prevailing line of social forces. In the process we fail to recognize the child’s honesty, hard work, patience, loyalty, courage; consequently, that may damage the child’s morale deeply.
  4. Parents’ insensitivity: how we act, and speak in the presence of our children and how we trample with our harsh words, their fragile souls have far-reaching fallouts. We are always prompt to recite the list of their faults and failures and we casually bare them all in the presence of guests, strangers and also in public. Not bothering how it affects their self-image.
  5. Parents have to be conscious and careful about the language used when it related to their intelligence, marks, comparisons and physical profile – like color, height, thin or obese. Parents need to be sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of the children and being alert to the signals they send when they are in distress. Learning to speak to them in acceptable language giving them an assurance that we are there for them. Sensitivity is an important skill parent has to be well-informed about.
  6. This tells us a universal tendency we find in most of our homes: The greatest damage to our child’s self-worth is enacted at home – unintentionally. A child needs as he is growing up, the home to be a blanket of security, comfort, and coziness. Ensuring these attributes are created at home is the parents’ foremost concern.

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 7

ANGER – THE OFFENDER

  1. The key part of the parenting activity is the attitude with which we treat our children. This attitude defines how competent we are in our roles as parents. There is a behavioural correlation between a parent’s attitude and the child’s character.
  2. Anger is one emotion any parent has to be watchful about that it doesn’t get out of our control. I guess all of us are aware that anger when not in limits the worst of our behavior would come out.  Our angry outbursts at our children are like surgical knives; they hurt, run deep and create permanent scars.
  3. The most noticed practice we find in many parents who run on the short fuse is: they yell at first and repent later. They, with their volatile moods, damage the delicate minds first and later search for amends to repair the loss. Further, they are unaware that a child may imitate the same trait. Like when he is frustrated or troubled he doesn’t have a mechanism to calm down or to control it.
  4. Calming our hot tempers, managing and restraining our urge to shout and scream is a learnable attitude to the parents and a teachable habit essentially the child has to develop when he is growing up.
  5. It is not like saying that, whenever the parents find the children throwing tantrums, unyielding, aggressive and behaves recklessly; the parents have to show a saintly patience. I never say that we should display outward calm when we are boiling inside; furious with high-handedness of our child. The modest method is to let-off the anger in small controlled outbursts before it makes a beast out of you.
  6. When it comes to our child display of angry outbursts when interacting with you or other family members, the problem may be a relationship issue. The child may need something else, but doesn’t know how to express it! Therefore, when we observe the negative manners. It is certainly a parenting issue. An angry child is a discouraged child.
  7. Parents have to learn not to insult or diminish the child’s self-image with their angry moods and damaging tempers. Providing help to the child how to eliminate his unacceptable defiance there are more chances that it would create enjoyable interactions among all family members. A pious prescription for a peaceful home.

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 6

TRAINING CHILDREN IS PARENTS RESPONSIBILITY.

One common image is noticed at any school or at households; the parents helping and assisting their children with trivial tasks. Like how to dress, how to tie the shoes, arranging his school bag, how to cross the street, how to be on time, how to eat. Raising children not able to work on their own, and when faced a stiff situation children not able to hold on their own, in such a situation parents have to blame themselves trying to project the children in such a mild format. It is the quite discouraging situation for any child to fend for himself taking on such tough instances.

These perils surface often for parents when not taking time off to train the children to act on their own the many of his duties in and around home and school.

  1. Children need besides good care definite training in many aspects while he is growing up.
  2. Training our children have to be a part of our daily routine looking for ideal time to teach them familiar tasks that makes his life interesting, and ours less tedious and less conflicting. Incidental remarks, satires, harsh words, are never good training tools. Patience and planning and timing are the buzz words here.
  3. Failing to take time off for training and later finding the children ill-equipped to deal on his own in any of his efforts effort, surely, would, later on, lead to, parents constantly correcting an unguided child. Constant corrections fail to train a child and later may create a possibility that he is left discouraged or predisposes to depend more on their parents at the slightest urge.
  4. To teach a particular skill repetition and regular routine is the key. To master a particular skill, say for example table manner, a child has to be first explained the need and method of table manners and see that the child follows the custom every day until it becomes a seamless habit to him. Patience, confidence, encouragement that the child can learn in his terms, space, and pace is one point to be observed by the parents. Encouragement and support are vital.
  5. Children are a natural store of inbuilt courage and are wired to take risks and imitate things that others are doing. Parents should have enough trust to step back and let the children work and practice by themselves. Allow the tough situations trigger to instill few good coping skills in them.
  6. When children realize that the parents are behind them supportively watching and understand enough to pick them, dust them off and put them back on the track then they are willing to run an extra mile on their own and be strong enough to buffet any punch coming their way. If parents wish the children to succeed give them as many training chances to try, try and try again.
  7. Children are good self-starters. They have a natural mechanism to devise and explore on their own. The parents’ responsibility is to wind them up and sit back and watch them testing their might but never lose sight of them. Parents should never carry all the children’s fears on their backs; allow them to float up and fly high in the sky like a kite, and string firmly and securely in our hand. This is how to encourage them to realize their self-esteem, confidence, and self-worth. Choosing their own actions to recognize their dreams.

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 5

WHAT CHILDREN EXPECT FROM PARENTS?

This is a really tough question to address ourselves as parents. What are the expectations of children from parents’? What are the promises they want from parents’?

  1. I want my parents to think I’m an important person. I want them to see me as an individual having my own thoughts, ideas, and aspirations.
  2. I want my parents to be friendly, use acceptable language, show special care and spend a good time with me.
  3. I want my parents to take my wishes and needs in all seriousness.
  4. I don’t want my parents to withhold care, attention, and love because I’m not up to their personal expectations. They must see me as a remarkable individual because they like me but must not be linked to my grades and performance.
  5. I want my parents to work continuously toward the happiness involving all the members of the family. For us, time and attention are more important than gifts and money.
  6. I want my parents to know about our feelings, emotions. Understand our weaknesses and appreciate our strengths. And respect the difference between them.
  7. I want my parents to help understand me as a person and have a sense of belonging and a secured feeling as unique one in the family.

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 4

ENCOURAGEMENT

  1. Encouragement to children is as important for their emotional growth as bread and jam for their physical growth. We adults choke without air and children shrink without parental encouragement. As the child grows up the most significant part of daily life is the comfort of encouragement given away by the parents.
  2. Parents have to learn that encouragement has two parts when dealing with the children. The first half is how not to discourage them, not to humiliate them, and avoid the display of over- protection. This mindset tends to deactivate the child’s will to attempt anything worth or to take a risk. And hence the child remains discouraged.
  3. The second half is how to be trained to encourage them. Whenever we recognize and support them to be courageous, confident and help identify his self-concept the child infers that he is recognized as independent and therefore feels encouraged.  The tone and language used and profound acceptance of who they are: sensible simple ideas to be retained by the parents.
  4. Encouragement is when parents have confidence in their child that he is very competent as a person and noting that ‘I have an Idea of his self-concept and is smart enough in taking care of all the aspects of his academic activities in his own way and pace’. Moving away, parents have to start relishing this awareness without any personal tension or unnecessary concern. This presence and manner of encouragement is one potent parenting tool.
  5. A child needs to be prepared and trained how to take care of himself as an individual relating to his habits and ways of learning. That is to drive him aware of his capabilities and inabilities. Parents’ role is to permit the freedom of voice and poise to examine his options. This is the essence of encouragement – an everyday process allowing the necessary opportunities for the child to discover his own self-respect, a sense of independence and self-esteem to seek and enjoy progress in all his attempts.
  6. Parents’ conversations have to emphasize the fact that all the child’s efforts are towards continuous improvement in whatever he attempts but never look for perfection. Encourage them to rejoice the small steps of everyday improvement of what they are pursuing. Celebrate these small steps and let them go on to become a further source of encouragement.
  7. Encouragement is an empowering melody to the children’s’ ear who are habitually forced to listen to discouraging loudness, dissenting voices every sitting hour among teachers and adults around. Children by nature are gifted to be more inventive, richly original, adorably resourceful, and gracefully cooperative if the music of encouragement is always fine-tuned to the dreams and desires involving them.