PARENTING RULES – 31
HOW TO TALK WITH OUR CHILDREN
It is surprising to note many parents are not so good at how to talk with children. For most of them, they talk with an impression that being parents the children are obliged to listen to them.
But the reality is the tragedy we witness among the parents and their children the growing discomfort of miscommunication. Or many failed attempts to built bridges to reach them so that children toe the of parents’ line of expectations.
In whatever friendly ways the parents attempt to look at when they are grown up. The poor nature of communications between them is the result of a parent’s lack of sympathetic relationship; when not nurtured when they are young.
From their childhood days the parents’ desires, advice, ideas revolve around one belief. We want to mold them; we have to impress them with our ideas, our ideology, and our desires. As parents, it never strikes us that the child has his thinking mechanism. The opinion of his own and he entertains his fantasies. He is very much an independent character full of ideas and energy to sustain them.
To reduce the conflicts and confusion that might lead to discontent among parents and oppressiveness among children the parents have to follow a few tips about how to talk with their children:
Good communications are possible only when we respect the child and his point of view.
We must not force them into our thinking mold. Insisting what we are preaching is the right way. We know what is right for them.
Each child has his in-built creative means to achieve what he wants in his life. He has enough mental faculties to shape his personality. Parents’ job is to be logical referees to supervise their small efforts in achieving them.
We have to recognize as a parent our job is to guide our children. We also have to learn, very early, the means of how and what we are guiding our children.
It is pleasant and easy to speak to children. It’s known young children are so very free in expressing themselves. For parents, it’s not difficult to discover while they are talking about what is that they are thinking and to what is the purpose behind it.
Ignoring the opinions of the children and what they are planning to convey. We parents resort to criticizing them, rebuking them, ignoring them or find fault with what they are trying to express.
This defeating act of the parents would be very discouraging to the children. There is a likelihood they may not share any information expecting it would invite censure from parents.
If these hurting experiences multiply, they may gradually close the doors of communications upon their parents.
Expecting children should always do the ‘right’ thing, always manage all his works decently, and behave like an angel. It would be ridiculous presumptions from the parents’ side. Speaking to children conveying these ideas would never encourage a good communication climate in the first place.
As parents, we are too much interested in pushing our point of view and our frame of assumptions about our children. We behave as if we are very much sure of how our child feels and type of emotional bent they have.
There is one notion a parent must understand that for any issue there is more than one point of view – we may see it in one way, and our children may presume it all together in a different angle. If we are comfortable to accept this contrast we will able to communicate with our children not being rigid with ‘I’m right, and you are wrong’ attitude.
Listening to our children means trying to accept and see his point of view, his logic and acknowledging that he too has thoughts of his own. Parents’ role is to see he is guided and helped to take advantage of this multiple viewpoints and see how this awareness contributes to the creative progress of the child.