SEVEN PARENTING RULES-10

THE CHARACTER OF A GOOD SCHOOL

1.The Schools need to be homes for happiness and a healthy launch pad for learning. A guiding place where, children can sustain their inquisitiveness; and enrich themselves to enter the spirited world with a versatile mindset.

2.Children are natural learners. Schools along with their devoted teachers should everyday fire their imagination with expressive teaching and create inspiring learning situations. An amicable school environment must provide all new experiences allowing them to explore their inherent talents and tap their curiosity.

3.The evolving of a good school involves consensus among three inclusive participants. The classroom: secure, safe and salubrious. The teacher: friendly, forgiving, approachable and above all an intense learner. The parent: cooperative, fair-minded towards the child and the teacher; willing to make adjustments in line with the nature and needs of the child. The child can reap the best blessings and stay emotionally strong within the confluence of these three powerful parties.

4.If the schools are to be places of good learning but not a stagnant pool of out-dated systems the interdependency of the three participants, the classroom, the teacher, and the parents play an enormous influence act in the learning process for the children. If any effort were to make to improve the school systems and suggest friendly learning practices in the classrooms the schools need to coach, train, and guide at all three levels – equally and periodically.  The progress and development of a child are possible only when the school invites and involves the continual improvement of the teachers and regular enrichment and guidance to parents.

5.Schools have to recognize that the parents are highly committed partners in educating their children. Schools have to remember that if a lively child has to sit the classroom with a healthy acceptance: It has to be a consequential result of encouraging better parenting habits among the parent community. A much-needed responsibility of a school administration.

6.Two other adults whom the schools have to nurture and promote are the principal and the teachers who wield major influence on the children during their stay in the school. It is chiefly the principal’s efficiency that has to measure in bringing together the three champions – the children, the teachers and the parents to one coherent awareness outlook. So that the child is always at an advantageous end. And there is more likelihood that the schools would survive as prominent centers of learning in a society.

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 9

CHILDREN AND LYING

  1. Parents understand intuitively, other adults including, that truth-telling is the key to building and nurturing a trusting relationship. We also learn that without it, we quickly lose trust. The habit of lying puts up hurdles to believe one another and difficult to rely upon. The tendency to lie, as a habitual act, gets in the way of closeness, intimacy, and connection.
  2. Children tend to lie for a number of reasons, but parents’ need to be cautious not to let the children resort to lying as a solution to his problems or an easy way to escape.
  3. It is an obvious fact that the parents know that nearly all children – from tots to teens resort to lying for all sorts of reasons: to avoid punishment, to make themselves feel better, to get out of a troubled situation, to keep their friend out of trouble, and chiefly, out of fear. Lying comes to them as an inbuilt armory to protect them and their friends from hordes of checking situations they come across every day – from teachers and parents.
  4. Majority of children tend to lie to their parents but a few are open enough, to be honest with their parents. Here, I believe, children enjoy good vibes with their parents. We need to learn that too much permissiveness; or a harsh and stiff authoritarian attitude may not encourage the children to be more open with their parents. And willing to confess their fears and confidences.
  5. A half-way solution may be like treating them more with consistency in dealing with lying issues, explaining with a reason the importance of honesty, and ensuring the child feels comfortable in our presence to open up as frequently as they can, without fearing any reprisals from the parents. This is the authoritative way available to parents.
  6. If parents find the children fibbing, the way out is: do not overreact, do not fantasize a horrible forecast for the child. Stay calm, overreacting may scare the child away and he may probably, would never approach you again to tell you the truth. The very reason a child tends to lie is out of fear of parents and expecting a harsh treatment and humiliation. Children are more likely, to be honest in their acts only when they are certain that the parent doesn’t lose their temper.
  7. Many children learn their best habits by imitating their parents. The urgency is that the parents have to model honesty. We have to be cautious in our actions and words because our children are watching us and they are good copycats. They copy more of parents’ daily actions and habits than what they repeatedly asked to do.
  8. Parents have to; at home create an honest mantra. Children learn many habits mostly by observation and repetition. Good habits have to be taught to the children until they are internalized and they learn to appreciate the honesty and truthfulness in his deeds and as well as in his parents. And parents have to recognize and reinforce their honest efforts in the chores they participate.

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 8

CHILD AND HOME

  1. The central goal line to good upbringing a child’s life is making them hold their head high in confidence and respecting his personal worth and feelings. But never to encourage to feed his ego and entitlement. Enshrining these practices at the home is the parent’s concern.
  2. Parents must understand the importance of the creation of healthy consensus background at home. This is achieved by mutual respect among family members. We must learn to show respect to the sensitivities, needs, and rights of our children. They have to be respected for the roles their play in the house, and their limited abilities when they are growing up. Parents should be sensitive enough by not expecting too little or too much from their children. It is important to note that children are not be used for the display of our prestige.
  3. Unfortunately, the society we live in glamorizes many qualities that are inherently unattainable by our children. The reasons could be many and most of the times beyond the reach of the children. And parents blindly shouldn’t insist and influence the children to conform to the prevailing line of social forces. In the process we fail to recognize the child’s honesty, hard work, patience, loyalty, courage; consequently, that may damage the child’s morale deeply.
  4. Parents’ insensitivity: how we act, and speak in the presence of our children and how we trample with our harsh words, their fragile souls have far-reaching fallouts. We are always prompt to recite the list of their faults and failures and we casually bare them all in the presence of guests, strangers and also in public. Not bothering how it affects their self-image.
  5. Parents have to be conscious and careful about the language used when it related to their intelligence, marks, comparisons and physical profile – like color, height, thin or obese. Parents need to be sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of the children and being alert to the signals they send when they are in distress. Learning to speak to them in acceptable language giving them an assurance that we are there for them. Sensitivity is an important skill parent has to be well-informed about.
  6. This tells us a universal tendency we find in most of our homes: The greatest damage to our child’s self-worth is enacted at home – unintentionally. A child needs as he is growing up, the home to be a blanket of security, comfort, and coziness. Ensuring these attributes are created at home is the parents’ foremost concern.

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 7

ANGER – THE OFFENDER

  1. The key part of the parenting activity is the attitude with which we treat our children. This attitude defines how competent we are in our roles as parents. There is a behavioural correlation between a parent’s attitude and the child’s character.
  2. Anger is one emotion any parent has to be watchful about that it doesn’t get out of our control. I guess all of us are aware that anger when not in limits the worst of our behavior would come out.  Our angry outbursts at our children are like surgical knives; they hurt, run deep and create permanent scars.
  3. The most noticed practice we find in many parents who run on the short fuse is: they yell at first and repent later. They, with their volatile moods, damage the delicate minds first and later search for amends to repair the loss. Further, they are unaware that a child may imitate the same trait. Like when he is frustrated or troubled he doesn’t have a mechanism to calm down or to control it.
  4. Calming our hot tempers, managing and restraining our urge to shout and scream is a learnable attitude to the parents and a teachable habit essentially the child has to develop when he is growing up.
  5. It is not like saying that, whenever the parents find the children throwing tantrums, unyielding, aggressive and behaves recklessly; the parents have to show a saintly patience. I never say that we should display outward calm when we are boiling inside; furious with high-handedness of our child. The modest method is to let-off the anger in small controlled outbursts before it makes a beast out of you.
  6. When it comes to our child display of angry outbursts when interacting with you or other family members, the problem may be a relationship issue. The child may need something else, but doesn’t know how to express it! Therefore, when we observe the negative manners. It is certainly a parenting issue. An angry child is a discouraged child.
  7. Parents have to learn not to insult or diminish the child’s self-image with their angry moods and damaging tempers. Providing help to the child how to eliminate his unacceptable defiance there are more chances that it would create enjoyable interactions among all family members. A pious prescription for a peaceful home.

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 6

TRAINING CHILDREN IS PARENTS RESPONSIBILITY.

One common image is noticed at any school or at households; the parents helping and assisting their children with trivial tasks. Like how to dress, how to tie the shoes, arranging his school bag, how to cross the street, how to be on time, how to eat. Raising children not able to work on their own, and when faced a stiff situation children not able to hold on their own, in such a situation parents have to blame themselves trying to project the children in such a mild format. It is the quite discouraging situation for any child to fend for himself taking on such tough instances.

These perils surface often for parents when not taking time off to train the children to act on their own the many of his duties in and around home and school.

  1. Children need besides good care definite training in many aspects while he is growing up.
  2. Training our children have to be a part of our daily routine looking for ideal time to teach them familiar tasks that makes his life interesting, and ours less tedious and less conflicting. Incidental remarks, satires, harsh words, are never good training tools. Patience and planning and timing are the buzz words here.
  3. Failing to take time off for training and later finding the children ill-equipped to deal on his own in any of his efforts effort, surely, would, later on, lead to, parents constantly correcting an unguided child. Constant corrections fail to train a child and later may create a possibility that he is left discouraged or predisposes to depend more on their parents at the slightest urge.
  4. To teach a particular skill repetition and regular routine is the key. To master a particular skill, say for example table manner, a child has to be first explained the need and method of table manners and see that the child follows the custom every day until it becomes a seamless habit to him. Patience, confidence, encouragement that the child can learn in his terms, space, and pace is one point to be observed by the parents. Encouragement and support are vital.
  5. Children are a natural store of inbuilt courage and are wired to take risks and imitate things that others are doing. Parents should have enough trust to step back and let the children work and practice by themselves. Allow the tough situations trigger to instill few good coping skills in them.
  6. When children realize that the parents are behind them supportively watching and understand enough to pick them, dust them off and put them back on the track then they are willing to run an extra mile on their own and be strong enough to buffet any punch coming their way. If parents wish the children to succeed give them as many training chances to try, try and try again.
  7. Children are good self-starters. They have a natural mechanism to devise and explore on their own. The parents’ responsibility is to wind them up and sit back and watch them testing their might but never lose sight of them. Parents should never carry all the children’s fears on their backs; allow them to float up and fly high in the sky like a kite, and string firmly and securely in our hand. This is how to encourage them to realize their self-esteem, confidence, and self-worth. Choosing their own actions to recognize their dreams.

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 5

WHAT CHILDREN EXPECT FROM PARENTS?

This is a really tough question to address ourselves as parents. What are the expectations of children from parents’? What are the promises they want from parents’?

  1. I want my parents to think I’m an important person. I want them to see me as an individual having my own thoughts, ideas, and aspirations.
  2. I want my parents to be friendly, use acceptable language, show special care and spend a good time with me.
  3. I want my parents to take my wishes and needs in all seriousness.
  4. I don’t want my parents to withhold care, attention, and love because I’m not up to their personal expectations. They must see me as a remarkable individual because they like me but must not be linked to my grades and performance.
  5. I want my parents to work continuously toward the happiness involving all the members of the family. For us, time and attention are more important than gifts and money.
  6. I want my parents to know about our feelings, emotions. Understand our weaknesses and appreciate our strengths. And respect the difference between them.
  7. I want my parents to help understand me as a person and have a sense of belonging and a secured feeling as unique one in the family.

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 4

ENCOURAGEMENT

  1. Encouragement to children is as important for their emotional growth as bread and jam for their physical growth. We adults choke without air and children shrink without parental encouragement. As the child grows up the most significant part of daily life is the comfort of encouragement given away by the parents.
  2. Parents have to learn that encouragement has two parts when dealing with the children. The first half is how not to discourage them, not to humiliate them, and avoid the display of over- protection. This mindset tends to deactivate the child’s will to attempt anything worth or to take a risk. And hence the child remains discouraged.
  3. The second half is how to be trained to encourage them. Whenever we recognize and support them to be courageous, confident and help identify his self-concept the child infers that he is recognized as independent and therefore feels encouraged.  The tone and language used and profound acceptance of who they are: sensible simple ideas to be retained by the parents.
  4. Encouragement is when parents have confidence in their child that he is very competent as a person and noting that ‘I have an Idea of his self-concept and is smart enough in taking care of all the aspects of his academic activities in his own way and pace’. Moving away, parents have to start relishing this awareness without any personal tension or unnecessary concern. This presence and manner of encouragement is one potent parenting tool.
  5. A child needs to be prepared and trained how to take care of himself as an individual relating to his habits and ways of learning. That is to drive him aware of his capabilities and inabilities. Parents’ role is to permit the freedom of voice and poise to examine his options. This is the essence of encouragement – an everyday process allowing the necessary opportunities for the child to discover his own self-respect, a sense of independence and self-esteem to seek and enjoy progress in all his attempts.
  6. Parents’ conversations have to emphasize the fact that all the child’s efforts are towards continuous improvement in whatever he attempts but never look for perfection. Encourage them to rejoice the small steps of everyday improvement of what they are pursuing. Celebrate these small steps and let them go on to become a further source of encouragement.
  7. Encouragement is an empowering melody to the children’s’ ear who are habitually forced to listen to discouraging loudness, dissenting voices every sitting hour among teachers and adults around. Children by nature are gifted to be more inventive, richly original, adorably resourceful, and gracefully cooperative if the music of encouragement is always fine-tuned to the dreams and desires involving them.

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 3

PARENTS AND COMMUNICATION.

  1. The most difficult task that evokes a lot of awkwardness, and that keeps worried the parents is the dilemma between the children and parents, ‘how to communicate with them’ or simply put ‘how to talk with them.’
  2. Parents have to train themselves or learn earnestly few specific skills that will keep the channels of communication open, healthy, and candid between parents and children. By all means, to avoid conflicts and strengthening rather than creating a tensioned state of affairs.
  3. If better seeds of relationship and understanding are sown when the child is young; then, parents are likely to reap a healthy, acceptable yielding in the form of sympathetic affinity and nearness from the child when he grows up. This is the simple principle to be understood by the parents regarding how to improve the communication between a parent and child.
  4. The central feature of communication with the children is the degree of respect with which we speak to them. The language of acceptance we choose to guide them. And the parents’ dialogue should aim to invite them to accept but not reject our requests to reach them.
  5. Never induct in conversations with the children words that blame, shame, insult, preaching, sarcasm, teasing, threatening, bribing, humiliation. They only desensitize the children besides create deep cracks in our bonds and relationships that would stand as demons in future as they grow up.
  6. Parents have to identify the difference between the situation and the personality. Single out the situation, analyze the problem and help to solve it. But never irritate abuse, the personality. Parents have to learn how to apply patience, fineness, and expertness under day-to-day stress. And proceed to speak out in acceptable language to children if effective communication between both the parties to be established. Tackle the problem but spare the person is the rule to remember.
  7. The everyday language we employ with our children, if not pleasant enough or tuned correctly in to include and build useful and meaningful relationships, it may be due to: Let me quote Dr.Haim G. Ginott, the renowned American Psychologist, “The tragedy of ‘communication’ lies, not in the lack of love, but lack of respect; not in the lack of intelligence, but in the lack of skill.”

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 2

  1. Smartphones have become an indispensable feature of this self-indulgent group of adolescents’ personality. We find them on the streets, lanes, on scooters, cycles, walking with groups of friends; or alone in a partially lit empty corner, sharing tea, college corridors, in canteens, and in malls. You name a place, and we stumble upon smartphones’ glowing, and behind them, we find as omnipresent as the phones the dynamic youthfulness chatting endlessly.
  2. Chatting into a mobile phone while driving is one of the leading causes of accidents on our poorly maintained roads and unruly traffic. Its parent’s everyday cautions and instructions that have to be ringing around teens whenever they are on the move with mobiles and on their vehicles.
  3. Parents have to learn to be more intelligent than their young adults about the smartphones usage and its various options, especially hidden features. The rule is you have to be one step ahead of them. More phone savvy.
  4. Teach them clear cell phone usage rules; explain the responsible and proper way of cell phone conduct and control; like not listening to music, no chatting or checking text messages while on driving.
  5. Remember, parents are always this age young gang’s best safety coaching experts. Please make sure you use parental care and influence. It’s is best security blessing you could provide for their well-being and protection.
  6. Continued instructions, cautioning and coaching by the parents, even though, not heeded, about the cell phone etiquette, and safe driving, is the responsibility of the guardians.
  7. A timely, responsible, preventive and censurable advice to our sweet-sixteens’ is worth perhaps, in preventing a thousand heartaches to near and dear.

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 1

In India, parenting education significance is recognized by few. Parenting methods are mere ‘hand me downs’ – an inherited package we get from our parents and in turn, they got from their own!  Loosely held, vaguely inferred, hardly challenged ‘bringing up our children’ strategies; with which many plan to provide parental care for their wards.

To help as a supplement to their well-laid plans and preparation to foster their kids, I wish to add a few parenting tips every week.

  1. The child’s feelings are more important than our rigid rules, principles, and priorities.
  2. More than love that we proclaim we have in abundance, what children require daily is small doses of helpful attitude – getting down to their level of perception with which they see experiences related to them.
  3. Communication with the children should include plain, simple language and no adult language. No accusations or harsh words when the child found in a dull mood. In such situations, empathy is the vitamin needed for a child.
  4. Avoid name-calling if the child is found lax in parental expectations. Parents’ motto: Anger yes; Abuse no. Express anger without insult not to damage the child’s fragile self-image.
  5. The child becomes what he is repeatedly told he is. Never predict and project unpleasant scenarios for your children. It may create a poor image of them, and they might strive to live likewise now and in future.
  6. Children need guidance, not criticism, they need listening not loud advice, and they need closeness, not coldness: in word and deed.
  7. Learning traditions and values by watching and listening to discussions on media shows, and social media is impractical and little is absorbed by the family as a whole. TV’s and social media can never replace a responsible parent. They can’t educate our children. Imparting values is the exclusive domain of two responsible parents.