SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 27

PARENT – TEACHER MEETINGS

I knew a parent who had never taken the time to speak to the administrators or teachers in the twelve years span of his two children in the school. He never bothered to attend any parents meetings at school.

Today after twenty years, his children grew as responsible adults; but I hear a complaint from that parent, “My children never listen to me, I see they don’t respect me or my words, and at home, I’m as an outsider.”

Naturally, the parent is now reaping what he had sown twenty years ago. He showed negligence and total disregard for his children’s learning progress. He is reaping the bad consequences of his attitude. He sees it as ‘rejection’ in the family.

I believe parents are the chief partners in their children’s learning. Children learn more; work harder when they see their parent’s participation in their regular academic activities – both at home and in the classroom.

In a classroom situation, the accepting relation between a teacher and parent is not well defined. It would never grow as encouragingly trustful as to help both the child and the teacher.

On any given day in a classroom, we can see a continuous flow of communication between the children and the teacher. They both listen to one other all the time based on which they form a certain impression thereupon.

The same process of dialogue occurs between the parents and children in the evenings and weekends. During which parents have a good scope of inferring how his child is coming about.

We can see in the whole circle of communication the weakest link is between the parent and the teacher. In an academic year, the parent meeting the teacher may barely happen once a quarter. Or it may occur through newsletters or a few phone calls or emails or phone messages.

But the real dynamic of whatever is operating in the classrooms – the knowledge of it is never shared effectively to a parent.

It would be academically apt if parents’realize the importance of parent-teacher conferences.  We observe one significant unconscious aspect of teaching and learning in every child and every classroom situation. That every teacher is animate and active and is prone to ups and downs in their moods. And accordingly, the children tend to behave, learn and mature. This angle of interplay playing within the four walls is completely not visible to parents’.

For children learning in the classroom is a team effort. The three participants – the teachers and the children and the parents work for the same purpose. To provide them the best teaching experience for the child. Set to teach to help them to achieve.

Each member of the team has unique knowledge and understanding of what another member may not have. Each equipped with a distinct way of attitude with which he or she behaves in his surroundings.  Like the teacher in his class, the parent at home and children everywhere else. And no one individual can call shots in any one situation. The significance of this sort of good functional understanding of the three patterns of practices, if taken by the parents earnestly; it would certainly favor the emotional health of the child.

THE QUESTIONS PARENTS CAN ASK THE TEACHERS:

How is my child’s behavior in the class?

How does my child interact with you and his other classmates?

What is his behavior in the playground?

How often does he stand and ask to clarify a point?

What are my child’s strengths and weaknesses?

What areas need improvement?

What are other areas of interests of my child?

Is he prompt, disciplined, organized in all his workings?

Children always need safe and nourishing places to improve and enlighten themselves. This can only be possible when there is a dialogue and exchange of information between the teachers, school administrators and the parents.

This collective can help the child in providing the comfort and security for a child to find his true energy and foster his inbuilt abilities.

 

SEVEN PARENTING RULES-26

MINIMUM CRITICISM AND MAXIMUM SUPPORT

Twelve-year-old Rahul showed a two-page essay to his father. “Dad I’m presenting this in the class today” beaming and confident he pushed the papers before him. His dad reluctantly turned his head from his newspaper, “What’s this handwriting, can you recognize any word what you have written. See the sentences; I see many spelling mistakes. You don’t have a chance that anyone would hear you”.

Rahul lost interest to check his essay for mistakes and enthusiasm to participate in the competition. He cursed his father’s judgment and mourned helplessly.

If we find parents, who are casual and discount their children active interests. Who never learn the right methods of how to encourage their learning attempts? Such parents’ distinct disregard may prove detrimental to the growth of healthy self-esteem in children.

Here in the above incident, the father thoughtlessly converted Rahul’s energies from positive to negative. Now he is thoroughly discouraged. He would never attempt to write, fearing he may commit more mistakes. And he would never approach his father for an opinion. We see the disastrous outcome of parents’ overemphasis on more negative sides of their children’s efforts – the children invisibly crushed – mentally.

“When we pay constant attention to their mistakes, we tend to discourage our children. Let’s remember that the foundation on which children robustly grow is on their strengths. Not on their weaknesses”. Negative remarks drain their fund of energies. And introduce a ‘fear factor’ within them of their abilities to perform well.

The common practice among parents is that they disturbingly hover over their children all the time. They are seen waiting if they are engaging in any faulty moves. Once they detect them, they jump into an elaborate preaching and training sessions. Go ahead and coach them at once out of their faults and into ‘acceptable safe manners.’

Parents’ misgivings perhaps based upon one invariably held assumption. “A natural fear that children move with a wrong peer group pick up wrong habits, or bad attitudes. They may be misled, or attempt the wrong things. I need to watch them constantly. And be cautious to see that they don’t stray the wrong way.”

In most instances the ways parents’ overzealously protect their children make one fact evident. “Parents lack faith in their children.” They assume children are capable of only one thing. “They always make mistakes.” This attitude among parents may turn out to be, in the long run, discouraging and humiliating to the children. Not allowing them to cultivate enough initiative to be imaginative.

Too much talk of “what you have done is not correct” strains too much of the inherent thinking skills of any child. It doesn’t give them enough energy to move forward or try anything new.

Many times we see the parents, bothering, behind their children to manipulate their attempts. And provide them discourses on how badly their efforts are. The resultant scenario would be that children are under constant pressure of fear. He may lose his ability; as a result, turn pessimistic to attempt anything willingly.

It is noted. However, the insistence always to do right and prove perfectness would never yield favorable results for parents. But, contrarily, the possibility is very high for the children, not presenting any improvement. They may end up, sooner or later living in despair.

If parents’ could take enough care of the children. And see that they learn from their mistakes. Seen that they can teach precisely how to learn and function and grow through their mistakes. There is a prospect that the child can progress with a sense of courage in his various academic and social activities. He may also focus more on positive outcomes of his struggles. Correctly, this is the right attitude a child should take into for his progress forward and move with courage.

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 25

THE DIGNITY OF THE CHILD

Now and then, to keep my teaching tempo in good quality, I keep visiting some of the local schools. The purpose was to give a few tips to teachers on teaching and high school students on the importance of English speaking skills.

One of the commonest sights I come across in the classes will be the sounds of spanking the children. Or a teacher arrogantly scanning the restive children and yelling at the top of her voice “you stupid rascals, shut your mouths.”  Or some kids embarrassingly head down standing outside their respective classrooms enjoying a punishment.

Teachers have as many crude ideas in dispensing harsh punishments as many years of their experience could summon. More the experience more the amount of intolerance and severe the punishments they are ready to enforce.

Teachers’ and sometimes parents’ in a thoughtless moment have showered their children with countless ways to attack. That will tear down the dignity of the children. They call them dumb, stupid, foolish, idiot, empty, senseless, bore, cheat, bluff. We run short of words when it comes to encouraging our children. But for abusing them, our crooked jargon is a mouthful and on the tip of the sarcastic tongue.

With all these curse words we as teachers and parents say in countless more ways to our children “you are not worth very much” “you are not up to the mark.”

Parents and teachers must remember whatever you are cursing is an attack on the child’s dignity. You have to remember deeply; a child is a person with his dignity.

If once the children treated with such an abusive language. There is a likelihood that they try to live and prove to you that what you have said is correct. They may remember the rest of their lives the attack on their dignity in every detail. 

Many of the parents, teachers, and educators speak chiefly about curriculum, exams, ranks, tests, and teaching methods. They would, not once openly reflect about the safeguarding the dignity of a child.

But how many of them are aware of, “that each child has value and deserves respect. And that learning is tied to the child’s perception of the respect he receives. Further that it depends upon the self- estimate of his sense of worthiness”. How many parents and teachers keep this aspect ‘the dignity of a child” when they are coaching them.

These are some finer psychological and emotional and intellectual factors. That considered when recognizing and protecting the dignity of the children you are nurturing.

Children whose dignity upheld at all times seemed to succeed in the long run in his life.

“Every child has dignity built into them. It’s there already; we need not create one for him. Our job is to recognize its presence in him: to protect it and work with it”.

We have step back and see our children as with people with heart and feelings. They have a way to work, react, move, and process information. And never take a child for granted.

And finally, kids are always kids. They are no bad kids or good kids. There are just kids.

I believe that children are lovable and capable. It is our responsibility as parents and teachers to honor their dignity by seeing them as they are how they are, the way they are.

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 24

TEACHING YOUR CHILD SOCIAL SKILLS

If you spend one hour in a play school looking at children, you would observe two categories of children. Some children are overly active, speak out loudly, and laugh heartily. They easily mingle with others, and they seem to carry a lot of energy with them.

The other lot are passive, withdrawn, and shy. We have to pull them to join the group. They seem to hide in the corners, not willing to laugh or speak out freely.

WHAT ARE SOCIAL SKILLS?

Social skills are what we use every day to interact and communicate with others. They include verbal and non-verbal communication: such as speech, gesture, facial expression and body language.

Good social or ‘people skills ‘are very important for success in life. A person can be very book smart and have impressive knowledge. But he probably will not get as far as someone with average intelligence. Like one with a keen sense of how to interact positively with people.

Today ‘social intelligence” is identified as a science which deals with the cluster of skills and abilities essential for making positive and effective contacts with people.

WHAT PARENTS CAN DO TO HELP THEIR CHILDREN

In a child, good social skills are a foundation for good interpersonal relationships. It is the fundamental responsibility of the parents to enhance these abilities in children.

A few important social skills are:

TEACHING CHILDREN HOW TO SAY ‘HELLO.’

Start by teaching your children how to approach and introduce themselves. It can be new friends at the school, or to relatives, or anyone whom he wants to approach and favor.

Tell him it’s ok by introducing, “Hello, my name is Ram.”

Introducing themselves is one stumbling block in many people. You have to make sure that your child doesn’t keep out due to this ‘shyness’ in social situations.

Not all children are born active and outgoing, and chatty. They should learn even the simple skills such as introducing themselves.

LEARNING HOW TO PUT PEOPLE AT EASE

Children need to know that they are many ways to communicate that they are happy to see someone. Some involve nonverbal gestures such as a handshake, a smile, or a pat on the arm or a hug. Others involve questions that show you are interested in the general well-being of the other person.

“How are you,” ‘How are you doing,” “Is everything fine,” “So nice to see you.”

Children should be well at ease to express when they meet their new friends.

Saying ‘hello’ with a warm smile is one of the remarkable ways to enhance a person’s popularity.

Children with good social skills have a pleasant personal style and know how to put people at ease.

 UNDERSTANDING THE IMPORTANCE OF LOYALTY

Loyalty is the feeling of faithfulness and affection we display to our friends or dear ones.  Loyalty is protecting those we love from harm or any negative forces around. Loyalty says, “I have cared about you, I care for you, and I will continue to care about you.”

The children between ages say five and ten usually form friendships based on usefulness or utility. It’s something like better toys, or something more interesting to do are enough reasons to bond with friends. When children grow older, however, loyalty and trustworthiness become the foundations for good and lasting relationships.

Loyalty is a quality that is very important in everyone’s life. As a parent, we have to ensure that our kids are loyal – to their friends, family, studies or for that matter any task they do!

Loyalty teaches children to commit and persevere.

HELPING TO UNDERSTAND BODY LANGUAGE

People, in general, use more body movements than words to convey their feelings. But children should be able to understand how different movements can convey various moods and emotions.

Children must understand how people convey their feelings through body language. Like how to recognize by looking at a face and posturing moods like happiness, irritation, sadness, angry, tired, etc.

Children who are aware of the body language are likely to show confidence in their walk, their smile, and with their gestures. They know how to protect their personal space. They know what type of touch is appropriate and what type of physical touch in not appropriate.

Teaching your child the appropriate body language is one top priority of the parents. To understand which manners of behavior are acceptable and which are not.

TEACHING HOW TO SAY “IM SORRY”

When a child has done wrong, the parent should be able to speak to the child, “what you have done is not correct” The child must be able to realize that it is “his bad behavior.”

Forgiveness and saying ‘sorry’ are important in maintaining good relationships with friends and also with all the family members.

Many children don’t know how to respond in a tricky or bad situation. They don’t know how to come out of it with a better response. In such situation, it’s important for parents to model good behavior.

Saying that we are sorry, whenever things go wrong if parents can use them as frequently and as freely as they can, children learn from their parents the correctness of using “I’m sorry and thank you.”

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 23

TEACHING YOUR CHILD THINKING SKILLS

Teach your children to develop good thinking skills. And this quick thinking habit can help your child to make fair decisions. This alertness of mindset would help them not to get into any problems: both at school and at home.

To explain this concept more clearly: A school going child must have an ‘awareness skill’ to understand between an action and its consequence. For example, he should be able to deduce for himself “If I don’t get to do my homework, I have to accept punishment for it.” Parents have to teach this logic in a very simple and clear manner to your children as they enter the school.

For every parent, it is a tough responsibility when they find their children, in many instances, when they don’t think before they act.

Encouraging thinking skills among the children from the early age helps you to guide an immature, childish behavior; to see that they become a matured and reasonable individual.

Because of your assistance and guidance, your child must able to learn the process. That involves thinking about the consequences first. He should able to understand when you say, “For every action of yours, it’s you who have to taste the reaction of that action.”

He should cultivate on his own, a method, something like a ‘self-talk,’ “I know I experience the consequences of my behavior. If I don’t control the urge on my own to do certain actions, I might be me in trouble”. Every action of his has to precede by this ‘self-talk,’ if he wants to succeed eventually.

Parents, you have to understand like this. It has to be for children, ‘learning from his experience”.  A parent needs to reinforce this concept in their children persistently.

Parents should realize the behavior traits of the kids. It usually takes more repetition to get them to understand. The connection between what they want to do versus what they should do.

Children generally tend to go about doing what gets into their head first. They do with confidence that parents would come to their rescue when something untoward happens.  Poor judgment by children might lead to many embarrassing situations to parents. It can happen not only in schools but also in public places and society.

Teaching children thinking before they act is a complicated psychological and imaginative exercise. It involves a three-step process:

  1. Have a self- talk about the urge to act or an inclination to do something in haste.
  2. Let him talk about his action plan with parents or close associates/friends
  3. Again think and self-talk about its possible consequences

Focus on the necessity of guidance and importance of‘self-talk’ with your children. It should act for them like a ‘traffic signal’ on a busy crossroad. Look, stop, pause and go. The action sequence is what any child should practice as frequently as he could. This thinking pattern should form a basis for all plans and strategies. It could apply to any individual.

Parents’ role here is being supportive and forgiving your child whenever he commits a mistake. Your role is to give him enough encouragement to learn from his mistakes. It’s up to the parents to help them to be cautious to learn from his mistakes on his own.

 

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 22

FIVE IMPORTANT SCHOOL SKILLS YOUR CHILD MUST HAVE.

MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND THAT READING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN TV.

Everyone accepts the fact that at home TV monopolizes a child’s free time. Here is one important note to parents. “Check the whole family TV viewing habits”. The suggestion here is if the child has to change then the whole family has to commit to change.

Unplug the TV sets, set the limits on the screen time. Don’t allow channel surfing, establish certain TV free hours, make bedrooms TV free.

Include encouraging healthy alternatives and substitute positive activities. The best-recommended alternative is to encourage the children to feed on other forms of media – like reading variety of books – when they are young.

One way to reduce the amount of time children watch television is to see that it is replaced spending time with lots of books around. Both the children and parents have to sit with reading for one another. Make sure that in the home the television is not a constant source of background noise.

KEEP IN TOUCH WITH YOUR CHILD’S TEACHER.

To act on this the parents need to allow time periodically to be in touch with the child’s teacher. It can be done by a phone call, or an e-mail, or a brief visit to the school.

It is a known custom among parents that they tend to visit a teacher only after something had gone wrong. Like bad behavior, low grades, absenteeism: more or less that shows the child in an unpleasant light.

Contacting teachers periodically brings in the necessary positive changes in the child and keeps certain negative habits in check.

It is the foremost responsibility to meet the class teacher at the beginning and end of every school year. Get as much information as you can about your child both in the classroom and outside in the playgrounds. You can also know about your child’s social skills and general attitude.

LET CHILDREN UNDERSTAND THE SECRETS OF GOOD MEMORY.

The most frequent complaint parents more likely to hear from a child are, “I’m not able to remember what I’m reading”. Memory is a very important skill for a child in learning. Not having a good understanding of memory skills leads to a lot of frustration in children and anxiety to parents.

It is the parent’s responsibility to make sure the child learns at a young age the correct reading techniques. Never allow the child to feel that reading is a punishment. Encourage him to read aloud. Reading and remembering for longer periods involves an intimate coordination of the eye movement and the brain functioning.

A child at a very early age has to be taught both by the teachers and the parents the correct way of reading and remembering.

CREATE GOOD HOMEWORK HABITS AT HOME.

The single most important parenting tip is to recognize that the responsibility of doing the homework rests in your child’s hands, not yours.

The main two facets of good homework habits are developing a regular routine and sticking to it.  Let the child know homework completion is not a choice. From the beginning, be firm in homework timings and it has to be done well. It should be made clear that no excuses are permitted. The rule is always ‘work before play’ for the children.

Make sure that homework should be done in the same place, and at the same time. And help them to plan their weekly homework schedules. Never sit down with your child and do his work. But help your child to be organized.

ENCOURAGE A GOOD VOCABULARY.

Good vocabulary in a child involves reading. Mostly it has to be modeled by the parents. The parents’ reading habits and their using good vocabulary forms a foundation for their children’s future conversational skills.

A good vocabulary always communicates intelligence. In school, a good vocabulary and strong communicative styles will invite good results and good standing among other classmates. It is one sure skill to attain success when he becomes a young adult.

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 21

ENCOURAGE READING HABITS IN KIDS

Watching successful executives of multinational companies you may have noticed. Further, you are looking at forceful, bright TV anchors conducting high decibel English debates. They competing with equally active and clear in ideas from a group of lawyers, doctors, businessmen, artists. You might have wondered, as a parent, how my kid might grow up with the same bundle of talent in expressing himself in such rich English flourish.

The secret and common factor is that whoever you hear was fluent and good in the English language are very good readers. Besides they are enriched by good qualification.

Reading is the backbone of education and in all measures, the future success of your kid depends on it. How passionate is a kid about reading books defines how high he climbs the financial and social ladder in future?

As a parent, if you hope your child does well in school. You expect him to gets good grades; go to the best colleges, advances high in his career. The only habit you have to encourage from childhood is: Instil the love for reading in your child.

Inculcating reading habit in kids is of utmost importance and it has to be initiated by parents from an early age of ten months.

How parents read to toddlers, and pre-schoolers can have a huge impact on how much they love reading and how readily they learn to read on their own one day. It’s up to parents to decide how much time they are able to spend with their kids.

Parents’ shouldn’t be assured by the fact that developing skills like reading and writing are under school’s ambit. In reality, no school or college ever guarantees active reading habits in your children.

Here are some of the tips how you can inspire your little one to be a lifelong reader and help them fall in love with books.

  1. Start reading stories, bedtime stories from an early age as early as one year. This will introduce to a child the world of words, colors, nature, and Select books with bright illustrations and bright colors and less text.
  2. Create a reading-rich environment at home. Let he be surrounded by many books related to his age. The more books he comes in touch with the more chances the kid to become a good reader. So parents need to visit the books exhibitions, dig for discount sales, and knock the nearest library halls. You needn’t spend much but see that books are available to your kid.
  3. Set a daily reading time. If you want to develop a love for reading in your children, it’s important that you encourage them to read at a specific time of day – every day. Read for them loudly, set the time that is favorable to you and your child. Preferably evening times or regularly before dinner time. And use Sundays more productively. Don’t break the habit of reading for him. That way your kid will treat reading as an important everyday task.
  4. To children parents’ are their role models. It is said that children are good copycats. They never do what we say but do what we do. It is a known fact that children grow imitation us. Therefore, kids who see their parents read are more likely to develop good reading habits. Keep in mind; children learn best from their parents – especially when it’s about reading. Hence, try to be a good reading “role model” for your kids.
  5. See that you make regular visits along with your kid to local books stores or second-hand books stalls, or local libraries. If there are universities around plan a visit to their libraries. The idea is that the child has to absorb the importance of books surrounded by them in as many times as possible.
  6. Don’t force your child to sit still and read. There might be a possibility that he’ll come to think reading as a punishment? This is a precaution a parent has to be on guard.  Instead, go with the flow of your child’s attention span. It is the parents’ responsibility to observe what books interest the little one.
  7. Gift them Books. If you want to gift your little one something really special. Give books as gifts because it is the best way to develop reading habit in kids.

Reading makes the child start thinking independently. It stimulates interests in various academic and non-academic subjects. It helps to improve vocabulary and conversational fluency. And it stays with him as a lifelong habit. So encourage him to read, read and read. The best gift you can give to your child is to instill in him the love of books.

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 20

PARENTS STEP OUT. LET CHILDREN DO WHAT THEY ARE CAPABLE OF.

“I swear I’ll do whatever possible to my children”. They needn’t suffer as much I had suffered when I was of their age. They are everything that I have got”.

Of course, this is the sentiment repeated by nine out of ten parent groups. The convincing argument supporting their undivided attention would be like this. “We love our children very much; we do everything to show to our children how much we love them”?

If we observe closely our children, from early infancy, they would attempt to do things for themselves. Like to hold a cup to sip for themselves. Whenever the infant attempts to reach for food in the plate he wants to feed for himself.

On such instances, as parents, our swift response would be to gently say no to his attempts. We remove the plate or the glass from him.  We justify our actions in discouraging the children saying that they mess up everything. We behave hysterically as if a mini-disaster is going to ensue. One huge mistake a way a parents acts. If the little one shows his eagerness to test his abilities.

Let me make one truth clear to all parents. To bear in mind when they notice their siblings presenting the flair to be on their own. “It is very easy to clear the mess they create around; it is simple to clean the strained walls and floors. But it is not easy to restore his lost spirit or the damage it causes to his self-concept”.

Whenever a child demonstrates a desire to do things for himself. We as parents have to seize that opportunity.  Go ahead and let him do whatever way he is capable of helping himself. In the process, he may also help his family members. As parents, we have added to his efforts: help, supervision, encouragement, and training. For the eagerness, he is expressing to confirm himself as the part of the family.

This is the logic behind the parents’ first impulse. To jump in to help the little ones when we see the child attempt to do something or having trouble trying anything.  As parents, we always approach our children with an unconscious ego. That we are bigger than he: more knowledgeable, better experienced, more capable, more fit to help.

Indirectly, we demonstrate to our children how superior we are. And try to prove how imperfect they are. And later, when they grow up we keep wondering how dependent he is. How deficient he became as a person?

I advise all the parents to remember one principle while nurturing their children and as they are growing up. Don’t do anything for a child what he can do for himself. The important parenting function is providing him lot of encouragement. Whenever he tries to explore his own strengths. And get a sense of security as an individual.

As parents, we do an enormous disservice to their self-worth. And damage to their courage of self if we show complete lack of faith in his ability, courage, and self-concept. In the process of developing his own image of self-sufficiency. We as parents have to give him a chance to realize his own capacity. And try to be independent and solve his problems. Never should we show our superiority as an alternative to his supposed helplessness. In many tasks, he desires to do on his own.

Our aim must me in encouraging and assisting our children. In being independent and creating opportunities in which they can do as much as they can. We have to help our children grow independently. And when they emerge as grown-ups they must be able to solve their own problems. Parents have to step back and watch their children grow. And refuse to do what they can do for themselves. The fundamental parenting essence is to give them our understanding, our support, our encouragement and our guidance.

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 19

TANTRUMS

Children, especially, one to three – year – old very sweetly work about in a manner demanding constant attention of their parents. Their behavior kept irritating you until quickly you pay attention to their needs – most of the time trivial. If he gets the required attention he presents few problems. Or else, the result, which we hate to accept: the tantrums, out-of-control crying, they kick, scream. Although he is a child he knows very well how to keep all of us busy with his attention seeking tactics.

To a parent how long a child continues to using outbursts to get his way depends on how you react the first time, he tries it. As you have to understand a tantrum is a method a child uses to get what he wants – here parents attention – whatever the purpose. Once the child learns that the tactic works – means – which he get what he wants. Now, he has learned a method to shout, cry, and roll over, to get the undue attention from the adults around.  He is likely to try it again and again – to the point of irritating and tipping the balance of our normal day.

The best answers the parents find in solving the tantrum kickoff is to identify the hidden goals of the child. The tantrums are most common among toddlers, but older kids and sometimes even adults choose the ‘outburst’ as a device to get what they want.

For the untimely temper attacks the reasons can be many, as parents we have to closely observe what reason may be behind our child’s outcry.

We as parents should be familiar with the general behavior pattern of the child. Some children are hyperactive, some are intense, and some are less than mild. The question is where does your child fit in? As parents, we need to be patient enough to change out parenting styles according to the sensitivities of your child. We have to be cautious enough not to create a situation where the child throws tantrum flares.

As parents, we have to watch how we are handling the requirements and demands of our kids. Are we really spending time understanding them, communicating in the way it represents we care for them? What type of model behavior we are demonstrating along with our partner. Children – whatever the age – keep watching, following and copying us. We have to be very honest before we label our child troublesome. Most of the times the defect lies in the parenting style than the child’s innocent demands.

As parents, we need to look into our expectations. Our children grow according to their own biological timetable, and certain capabilities. Expecting from them beyond the line of their capabilities – a caution we need to insert in our patenting rules.

Never over control them. We have to be careful not to be too strict in our approach in dealing with their edgy behavior.

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 18

LEARNING DIFFICULTIES

Learning difficulties among children are quite common and also very complex to understand and very hard to pinpoint, therefore, make it difficult to offer children the needed clinical or professional help.

Children are always at the receiving end because of the fact that these learning difficulties with absolutely no understanding of its symptoms by both the parents and teachers tend to blame the children assuming, that they represent behavioral or academic problems.

Learning difficulties are categorized as

1. Input problems

2. Processing problems

3. Output problems.

Input problems interfere with getting information into the child’s brain – that is a problem with his hearing or vision

Processing problems come in the way when the child tries to perceive, organize and store information after it has entered his brain.

Output problems show up in the way the child expresses information – the problems with speaking and writing.

Input problems: Visual: Parents are not usually aware that children often suffer an inability to focus clearly.

A child who is ‘nearsighted’ could see things near to his face but objects in the distance he may see them blurry. The truth here is the child, perhaps, is not aware that he has an issue with his vision.

The child who is ‘nearsighted’ finds it a problem in the classroom not able to see the details on the blackboard. If the class-teacher does all the work standing near the blackboard, he may have trouble understanding the lessons. Parents should always check regularly if the child is suffering from any vision problems.

Hearing problems: Here we are not considering deaf or not deaf but besides there are several hearing problems a child encounters in a classroom. Some children are comfortable even the loudness is confusing but for some, they only can focus if they could find order in the classroom. With so many background noises, when the classroom is not properly maintained the child may find it very difficult to follow what a teacher is teaching. Most of the children prefer silent classrooms and equally quiet surrounding to concentrate on their classroom work.

Attention problems: In a classroom, the child has to simultaneously work with his eyes and his brain. When they are reading or listening to they usually find a thousand distractions that divert their attention. Some children have the ability to filter these distractions and focus on work at hand but for some children, this filtering system works little slowly and they may find it difficult in hearing and concentrating during the classroom tasks. This phenomenon is what the child psychologists term as attention deficit disorder (ADD).

Memory Problems: Children who don’t practice memorization techniques will be less skilled in memory tasks. Children often struggle with the fundamentals that must be memorized – the additions, the multiplications tables. To a large extent English vocabulary has to be memorized too: so a child with low memory skills has a limited memory that allows poor reading abilities in a child. Children memorize things they find interesting: so parents and teachers need to introduce interesting memory-based activities in the classroom.

The child normally doesn’t know or recognize that he is having a sort of academic problem. If he doesn’t do well in the school, naturally he will be devastated. And the child doesn’t have a clue or any remedial measure to improve his scores in the class. At this juncture, the child will need a lot of reassurance, support, and unconditional love from his parents.