Check the scenario in a house:
Children refuse to share any information with their parents. They prefer sulking than to reveal what goes on inside. They put a mask over their feelings, suggesting it’s safe not to talk to their parents. Their reticence shows when it comes to unlocking a child’s world of emotions, and it’s observed parents sounded least helpful and rather doesn’t possess basic skills to study their children’s mindset while facing difficulties.
It is the question that confronts many of the parents:
Why do children stop talking to their parents about the things that bother them?’
Listening to your child is the chief skill a parent must acquire. By listening to your child, you are conveying them a caring message; you are comfortable accepting their feelings and willing to understand them with no questions asked.
Active listening is an important relationship skill a parent can add to her tool kit in creating a caring relationship with the child.
Children are never good at handling their emotions; or at interpreting their feelings; assume they can rid of by ignoring or suppressing them. Parents should teach the children early on that the troublesome feelings when encouraged to seen expressed freely and frankly, the guilt seems to disappear almost like magic.
‘Active listening comforts the child, making them free of disturbing and negative feelings.’
Acceptance is the heart and soul of Active listening. For a child, when growing, it’s not the time to preach, teach, object, or question. It’s an assurance to help to solve a problem. It’s time to help the child understand ‘it’s OK to hold negative feelings but not to get upset by them,’ and allow talking them over without interruptions or judgment. And the child cheers up to find every day that the parent keeps, ‘the door of acceptance, understanding and listening openly.’
Active listening introduces a strong bonding between the parent and the child. To the child, it sends a subtle message, ‘I’m heard, and understood by my parents.’ It induces in the child a good measure of closeness to the parents and fosters warmth between them.
Parents who understand the skill of active listening enjoy a special closeness and respect and a deeper feeling of caring for their child. It encourages the child to remain close and open to his parents and in a more trusted way that he learns to confide in them.
Active listening is helpful to know that in youngish years hidden in a child are some worrying issues that struggle to find expression, say in their words, requests, fears, ideas, needs, concerns. If parents are not ready to listen to them, show a disregard for understanding them, parents could face the child’s negatively affected behavior or feelings wrongly interpreted.
If we find parents constantly complaining that their kids don’t listen to them, there is every possibility that the parents do not effectively realize one adaptable skill – active listening?
Active listening helps the child in ‘helping themselves to solve the problems.’ It helps him to think about his problem and also its solution, which makes him self-responsible and independent.
Feeling comfortable using Active listening can take a long time, it’s a sophisticated skill that requires parents to use their intuition about their inner biases or what lay beneath their words and behaviors.
And it’s good to know that kids positively respond when they are in the presence of flexible parents.