SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 4

ENCOURAGEMENT

  1. Encouragement to children is as important for their emotional growth as bread and jam for their physical growth. We adults choke without air and children shrink without parental encouragement. As the child grows up the most significant part of daily life is the comfort of encouragement given away by the parents.
  2. Parents have to learn that encouragement has two parts when dealing with the children. The first half is how not to discourage them, not to humiliate them, and avoid the display of over- protection. This mindset tends to deactivate the child’s will to attempt anything worth or to take a risk. And hence the child remains discouraged.
  3. The second half is how to be trained to encourage them. Whenever we recognize and support them to be courageous, confident and help identify his self-concept the child infers that he is recognized as independent and therefore feels encouraged.  The tone and language used and profound acceptance of who they are: sensible simple ideas to be retained by the parents.
  4. Encouragement is when parents have confidence in their child that he is very competent as a person and noting that ‘I have an Idea of his self-concept and is smart enough in taking care of all the aspects of his academic activities in his own way and pace’. Moving away, parents have to start relishing this awareness without any personal tension or unnecessary concern. This presence and manner of encouragement is one potent parenting tool.
  5. A child needs to be prepared and trained how to take care of himself as an individual relating to his habits and ways of learning. That is to drive him aware of his capabilities and inabilities. Parents’ role is to permit the freedom of voice and poise to examine his options. This is the essence of encouragement – an everyday process allowing the necessary opportunities for the child to discover his own self-respect, a sense of independence and self-esteem to seek and enjoy progress in all his attempts.
  6. Parents’ conversations have to emphasize the fact that all the child’s efforts are towards continuous improvement in whatever he attempts but never look for perfection. Encourage them to rejoice the small steps of everyday improvement of what they are pursuing. Celebrate these small steps and let them go on to become a further source of encouragement.
  7. Encouragement is an empowering melody to the children’s’ ear who are habitually forced to listen to discouraging loudness, dissenting voices every sitting hour among teachers and adults around. Children by nature are gifted to be more inventive, richly original, adorably resourceful, and gracefully cooperative if the music of encouragement is always fine-tuned to the dreams and desires involving them.

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 3

PARENTS AND COMMUNICATION.

  1. The most difficult task that evokes a lot of awkwardness, and that keeps worried the parents is the dilemma between the children and parents, ‘how to communicate with them’ or simply put ‘how to talk with them.’
  2. Parents have to train themselves or learn earnestly few specific skills that will keep the channels of communication open, healthy, and candid between parents and children. By all means, to avoid conflicts and strengthening rather than creating a tensioned state of affairs.
  3. If better seeds of relationship and understanding are sown when the child is young; then, parents are likely to reap a healthy, acceptable yielding in the form of sympathetic affinity and nearness from the child when he grows up. This is the simple principle to be understood by the parents regarding how to improve the communication between a parent and child.
  4. The central feature of communication with the children is the degree of respect with which we speak to them. The language of acceptance we choose to guide them. And the parents’ dialogue should aim to invite them to accept but not reject our requests to reach them.
  5. Never induct in conversations with the children words that blame, shame, insult, preaching, sarcasm, teasing, threatening, bribing, humiliation. They only desensitize the children besides create deep cracks in our bonds and relationships that would stand as demons in future as they grow up.
  6. Parents have to identify the difference between the situation and the personality. Single out the situation, analyze the problem and help to solve it. But never irritate abuse, the personality. Parents have to learn how to apply patience, fineness, and expertness under day-to-day stress. And proceed to speak out in acceptable language to children if effective communication between both the parties to be established. Tackle the problem but spare the person is the rule to remember.
  7. The everyday language we employ with our children, if not pleasant enough or tuned correctly in to include and build useful and meaningful relationships, it may be due to: Let me quote Dr.Haim G. Ginott, the renowned American Psychologist, “The tragedy of ‘communication’ lies, not in the lack of love, but lack of respect; not in the lack of intelligence, but in the lack of skill.”

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 2

  1. Smartphones have become an indispensable feature of this self-indulgent group of adolescents’ personality. We find them on the streets, lanes, on scooters, cycles, walking with groups of friends; or alone in a partially lit empty corner, sharing tea, college corridors, in canteens, and in malls. You name a place, and we stumble upon smartphones’ glowing, and behind them, we find as omnipresent as the phones the dynamic youthfulness chatting endlessly.
  2. Chatting into a mobile phone while driving is one of the leading causes of accidents on our poorly maintained roads and unruly traffic. Its parent’s everyday cautions and instructions that have to be ringing around teens whenever they are on the move with mobiles and on their vehicles.
  3. Parents have to learn to be more intelligent than their young adults about the smartphones usage and its various options, especially hidden features. The rule is you have to be one step ahead of them. More phone savvy.
  4. Teach them clear cell phone usage rules; explain the responsible and proper way of cell phone conduct and control; like not listening to music, no chatting or checking text messages while on driving.
  5. Remember, parents are always this age young gang’s best safety coaching experts. Please make sure you use parental care and influence. It’s is best security blessing you could provide for their well-being and protection.
  6. Continued instructions, cautioning and coaching by the parents, even though, not heeded, about the cell phone etiquette, and safe driving, is the responsibility of the guardians.
  7. A timely, responsible, preventive and censurable advice to our sweet-sixteens’ is worth perhaps, in preventing a thousand heartaches to near and dear.

SEVEN PARENTING RULES – 1

In India, parenting education significance is recognized by few. Parenting methods are mere ‘hand me downs’ – an inherited package we get from our parents and in turn, they got from their own!  Loosely held, vaguely inferred, hardly challenged ‘bringing up our children’ strategies; with which many plan to provide parental care for their wards.

To help as a supplement to their well-laid plans and preparation to foster their kids, I wish to add a few parenting tips every week.

  1. The child’s feelings are more important than our rigid rules, principles, and priorities.
  2. More than love that we proclaim we have in abundance, what children require daily is small doses of helpful attitude – getting down to their level of perception with which they see experiences related to them.
  3. Communication with the children should include plain, simple language and no adult language. No accusations or harsh words when the child found in a dull mood. In such situations, empathy is the vitamin needed for a child.
  4. Avoid name-calling if the child is found lax in parental expectations. Parents’ motto: Anger yes; Abuse no. Express anger without insult not to damage the child’s fragile self-image.
  5. The child becomes what he is repeatedly told he is. Never predict and project unpleasant scenarios for your children. It may create a poor image of them, and they might strive to live likewise now and in future.
  6. Children need guidance, not criticism, they need listening not loud advice, and they need closeness, not coldness: in word and deed.
  7. Learning traditions and values by watching and listening to discussions on media shows, and social media is impractical and little is absorbed by the family as a whole. TV’s and social media can never replace a responsible parent. They can’t educate our children. Imparting values is the exclusive domain of two responsible parents.